Unlearning

Recently I’ve come to the realization that I have a lot of things I need to unlearn regarding God. That’s right unlearn. My entire life I’ve been pumped full of Christian ideals, methodologies, rules, and old wives tales. The sum of them created a weight so heavy that I finally rebelled and denied the faith. After seven years of drunkenness, women, and worse, I have emerged a man who truly loves God, but absolutely hates religion.

Today I’m on staff at a great church in Seattle, WA (www.lifebites.org) and I’m beginning to unlearn some things. In particular, I’m unlearning my definition of grace. I’m beginning to understand that the Grace of God is not the byproduct of his irritation. Grace isn’t when God’s had enough of me and still lets me live. Grace is so much more than I ever imagined, and because of my new found understanding of grace, I’m beginning to realize how misguided I’ve been on so many fronts.

I’m beginning to understand that Gods grace is unbearable. You know what I mean. It’s in those moments when you know what you deserve and yet it never comes. It’s when you want to punish yourself because you can’t stand the thought of what you’ve done or who you’ve become, and God responds with gentleness and love. It’s that seeming last straw that never seems to break the back of Gods love. It’s the understanding that I stand positionally righteous before God, covered in the blood of Christ.

Bottom line, I drink too much, and smoke too many cigars and yet I know God delights in me. Why? Because for the first time in my life I have been shown grace from a man who has the authority to remove me from my career and ensure that I never work in this town again. I’ve been given grace and unlike guilt, grace makes me want to change. I’ve been yelled at, brought under church discipline, and threatened by the church and each time I repented out of necessity (See Matt 18). But, for the first time in my life I have been shown grace, and just like Paul’s says in Romans 2, the kindness of God has led me to repentance.